Page Title

Devotional: Drawing Lines Too Dangerous To Cross
Presented by: Turan Erdogan

une 7th

, 200

Sex

Any good talk should start with a motivational segment to “capture attention.” This subject needs none – by

uttering that one word I already

have

your attention.

Sexual sin has many forms, including: adultery, adultery in your mind, pornography, etc. I don’t want to tackle

all sexual sin this morning; rather, I want to focus on one specific area in which all of us can grow: how to avoid

unhealthy sexual relations – whether physical or not – with women in your life other than your wife.

Sexual sin almost always has devastating consequences – someone gets hurt, badly. Let’s look at

1 Thessalonians 4:3-8.

1 Thessalonians 4:3-8

It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality;

that each of you

should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable,

not in passionate lust like the

heathen,

who do not know God;

and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of

him. The

Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you.

For God did not

call us to

be impure, but to live a holy life.

Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but

God, who

gives you his Holy Spirit.

If you are married, sexual sin involving another woman – again, whether any actual physical contact occurs or

not – can cause devastating hurt to: (a) God, (b) your wife, (c) the other woman, (d) almost always other people

too (your/her kids, your/her family, the church, your company or organization, etc.).

If you are not married, sexual sin can still cause devastating hurt to: (a) God, (b) the other woman, (c) almost

always other people too (your/her kids, your/her family, the church, your company or organization, etc.).

This morning I want to share with you some of my own experiences, and some of the wisdom I have discovered –

on my own and with my wife – from the Bible and from my experiences. I’m not an expert, and I am by no means

perfect – I’m sure I struggle as much or more than most of you. But my hope and prayer this morning is that you

will take away some strategy that all of us can use in our battle against sexual sin, especially when it comes to

interacting with women other than our wives.

[Prayer]

The strategy I want to share has 3 steps …

Step 1) Discern your weaknesses – and don’t feed them!

Know your particular stumbling blocks. What trips you up? Is it a woman with a certain look? Or a woman who

looks at you a certain way? Is it a woman who is struggling in her marriage? Or a woman who seems to care

about yours? What is it about a woman that makes her an irresistible target for your attention?

Look at that great “womanizer” of the Bible: Samson. He had a weakness for cunning, deceitful, slutty women.

Remember the story of Samson and Delilah?

Judges 16:15-19

Then [Delilah] said to him, "How can you say, 'I love you,' when you won't confide in me? This is the third

time you have made a fool of me and haven't told me the secret of your great strength."

With such nagging

she prodded him day after day until he was tired to death.

So he told her everything…

When Delilah saw that he had told her everything, she sent word to the rulers

of the Philistines, "Come back once more; he has told me everything" …

Having put him to sleep on her lap,

she called a man to shave off the seven braids of his hair, and so began to subdue him. And his strength left

him.

Not only did he allow Delilah to deceive him 4 times (and every one of them occurred in the bedroom), but his

first wife did exactly the same thing to him! He had no clue that he became a fool to get the sex he wanted.

So don’t fool yourself – discern your weaknesses and know them inside and out!

Step 2) Define non-negotiable boundaries – and keep away from them!

Don’t make the mistake of thinking you are Indiana Jones – you’re invincible, able to deal with any situation that

comes your way. If you are wise, you won’t allow yourself to even get into situations that could lead to sexual

sin. How? By defining a simple, clear set of boundaries that you will not cross, no matter how good the reason

might seem at the moment.

You’ll have to determine your own boundaries, of course, but let me give you some solid examples. Many of

these are boundaries the staff at Lakeshore has agreed to abide by.

Make a covenant with yourself, with God, and with your wife, that you will not be alone with another woman who

is not your wife (and that includes a friend, a friend’s wife, a co-worker, a sister-in-law, the babysitter, etc.):

• In a car (and I happen to include also a taxi, because I have yet to meet a taxi driver who is personally

invested in my marriage).

• In any sort of private place, including: a hotel room (duh!), an apartment, your house, her house, your

brother’s house (i.e., alone with his wife), your wife’s sister’s house (i.e., alone with your wife’s sister), the

office (when no one else is there), and even the church!

• In a public place, when the meeting could be construed by her, by an on-looker, or even by you, as a

date (e.g., restaurant, movie theater, even shopping). You can VERY easily rationalize this one (“we’re

out in public; surely we’re not doing anything wrong…”). But take a look at the people around you looking

at you – from their perspective, might it appear that the two of you are on a date? If so, you shouldn’t be

there.

Now, even though I would encourage you to be militant about boundaries like this, there can be exceptions. For

instance, there might be an emergency of some kind, and you have no choice but to give a ride to another

woman, or get a ride from her. What do you do then? Have an accountability plan in place for those occasions.

For instance, tell your wife in advance that if such a situation ever comes up, you will call her and let her know

that you are about to drive somewhere with this person for that reason, and then you will call her again when

you get to the destination.

Without these boundaries, we are just asking for trouble, and we WILL find ourselves in tight situations with

strong temptations much more frequently. Remember the story of Joseph and Potiphar’s wife?

Genesis 39:6b-12

Now Joseph was well-built and handsome,

and after a while his master's wife took notice of Joseph and

said, "Come to bed with me!"

But he refused. "With me in charge," he told her, "[Potiphar] does not concern himself with anything in the

house; everything he owns he has entrusted to my care.

No one is greater in this house than I am. My master

has withheld nothing from me except you, because you are his wife. How then could I do such a wicked thing and

sin against God?"

And though she spoke to Joseph day after day, he refused to go to bed with her or even be

with her.

One day he went into the house to attend to his duties, and none of the household servants was inside.

She caught him by his cloak and said, "Come to bed with me!" But he left his cloak in her hand and ran out of

the house.

You know, it’s interesting, usually when people refer to this story they praise Joseph for his moral strength and

for doing the right thing – it’s a story on how to resist temptation. But I want to twist your perspective on this

story a little bit this morning – I contend that Joseph’s poor judgment and lack of boundaries were responsible

for putting him in a situation facing such intense temptation in the first place, and, even though he escaped

without having physical intercourse with Potiphar’s wife, nevertheless he paid a pretty hefty price as a result of

his relationship with her (he spent years in prison).

Look at verse 11 again – Joseph should not have been home alone with her in the first place! Now, seriously,

do think there was no enjoyment for him of the attention she paid to him? No flirting? No “rush” when he saw

her scantily dressed, or when she made advances toward him? If Joseph was a man at all, those things were

going on!

Define some clear, non-negotiable boundaries in your life when it comes to being alone with a woman other than

your wife!

Step 3) Decide in the light – how you will respond to temptations!

Make your decisions in advance, in the light – for we become powerless in the twilight, in the darkness. Now the

phrase “in the light” is an intentional double entendre here: it means both “out in the light” – in other words

when everything can be seen clearly – as well as “in the light of Jesus” – in other words based on God’s word.

Look at this great passage from Proverbs 7 that shows how important it is to decide in advance how we will

respond to sexual temptation in the light, based on the wisdom of God’s word…

Proverbs 7:1-10,21-23

1 My son, keep my words

and store up my commands within you.

2 Keep my commands and you will live;

guard my teachings as the apple of your eye.

3 Bind them on your fingers;

write them on the tablet of your heart.

4 Say to wisdom, "You are my sister,"

and call understanding your kinsman;

5 they will keep you from the adulteress,

from the wayward wife with her seductive words.

6 At the window of my house

I looked out through the lattice.

7 I saw among the simple,

I noticed among the young men,

a youth who lacked judgment.

8 He was going down the street near her corner,

walking along in the direction of her house [his mistake – didn’t define boundaries!]

9 at twilight, as the day was fading,

as the dark of night set in. [his mistake – allowed himself to have to decide at twilight!]

10 Then out came a woman to meet him,

dressed like a prostitute and with crafty intent.

…

21 With persuasive words she led him astray;

she seduced him with her smooth talk. [his mistake – didn’t know his weaknesses!]

22 All at once he followed her

like an ox going to the slaughter,

like a deer stepping into a noose

23 till an arrow pierces his liver,

like a bird darting into a snare,

little knowing it will cost him his life.

God’s wisdom and His word are critical to successfully responding to sexual temptation in your life. And, in fact, I

believe your daily Quiet Time is a huge part of wielding these powerful tools. Here you can pray specifically

about current women and temptations with whom you are struggling.

You are powerless to control your mind at when you are facing a temptation! You are powerless, that is, unless

you have already decided in advance that you will call on the LORD for strength and pull out your weapons for

battle when these specific temptations arise. But you must spend time with Him, reading his word, and praying to

Him. When you do that, you give power to the Holy Spirit to bonk you on the head and say, “Hey! Moron! We

talked about this! What are you looking at? She’s not a piece of meat. And she’s not your wife. Snap out of it,

you dork!!!”

You can grow when it comes to sexual sin – getting too close to women in your life who are not your wife! Just

remember…

1) Discern your weaknesses.

2) Define non-negotiable boundaries.

3) Decide in the light.