Devotional:  Fatherhood

Presented by: Ray Kaforey

    August 2009

    "Fatherhood"

    (Shouted):  I AM A GREAT FATHER!

    How many of you are fathers?
    Repeat after me….  I AM A GREAT FATHER!   
    Again, but louder…   I AM A GREAT FATHER!  

    Are you?  Am I?

    I like to think so, but am I really?

    When I am not at work (or at a New Men in Christ meeting) I am typically at home with my sons, Noah and Nicholas.  When Lisa is
    working or when she was away at school the past few years, I dedicate myself to my children.  I cook meals for them (making sure
    we always pray before eating), wash their clothes, and make sure they are safe and comforted.  I help them to not just ‘complete’
    their homework, but to ‘understand’ it.  Each night I try to read a story or “life lesson” devotional to them and tuck them into bed with
    hugs and kisses.  As time goes on though, the readings have become less frequent.

    I take them to their ball games, school activities, to the library, to a carnival or museum.  I’ll even play catch, play video games, or
    go swimming with them.  That is when I am not indulged in my own activities like working around the house or yard, watching TV,
    completing the work I bring home, or just surfing the web.  But at least I am home, right?  I am with them -- in close proximity.

    My boys are usually with me wherever I go.  I am sure you’ve seen them with me many times at church, while grocery shopping at
    Wegmans, or on a supply run to Lowes.  Every once in awhile I’ll even buy them a Strawberry & Banana smoothie at Cuppy’s -- or
    take them to McDonalds for a Happy Meal as a way of saying “thank you guys for not complaining too much”.  Gee... what a great
    Dad I am!   Maybe I am not such a great Dad after all.

    Okay, maybe I’m not a GREAT father, but I am a GOOD father.  Nobody’s perfect, right?  I don’t yell at my boys… well, not too much
    or too loud.  (chuckle)... except for that one time when my neighbor – my neighbor across the street – heard every word of the riot
    act I spewed out to Nicholas for leaving his bike out in the rain … totally ignoring the fact that I leave my very expensive John Deere
    lawn tractor out and uncovered almost all year long.  Then there was the time when I literally lost my voice for a whole day because
    I was so angry over… over… something.  For the life of me I can’t remember what it was.  

    Okay, maybe I am impatient or quick tempered at times, but I do NOT get physical with them – ever!  Unless you count the time I
    held Nicholas high up against the wall by his shirt, yelling at him for, uh... what was it?  Not listening to me?  Or for giving me
    attitude?  Something like that.  You should have seen the scared look on his face.  He must have thought I was Hannibal Lector
    about to open his skull to devour his brain.  Yeah, I know… truly, not one of my prouder moments as a father.

    Man… am I even an OKAY Dad to my boys?  Seriously!  As I write this, I am thinking I really SUCK as a father at times.  

    I know deep down that I am not a bad father and I know I am “only human”, but sometimes I feel like such a poor role model and
    father.

    Have you noticed that my failure examples focus primarily on Nicholas?  Why is that?  I ask myself that all the time.  They are both
    my children, and undeniably I love them both with all of my heart and soul.  Noah is 12 going on 13 and Nicholas just turned 11.   
    They are at best buddies.  So alike, yet they are so different in many ways.  Each has their distinct personalities.  But they are both
    my boys – my sons!  So why do I treat them so differently at times?

    Nicholas is your typical 11 year old boy, full of curiosity, energy and spunk.  Like any 11 year old, he sometimes lies and tries to get
    away with what he can… probing and testing our limits for patience and tolerance, often making the wrong choices no matter how
    hard we try and council him.  Yet he is the sweetest and most caring young boy and has a HUGE heart… HUGE.  He gladly gives
    up time and possessions to Noah, offers to help out with house work and is polite to his peers and elders.  But boy, does he know
    how to press our buttons.

    Noah on the other hand is… well... special.  Special in that he was our first.  Noah was only 7 months old when we adopted him
    from Ho Chi Minh City in Vietnam and we had the blessed opportunity to nurture him as a baby.  Special because he is
    developmentally delayed by a few years and has been classified as ‘Special Needs’.  That ‘label’ is a bit of a misnomer to me as
    all children have ‘special needs’.  Regardless, he receives specialized instruction at school and during summer months.  Special
    in that he is constantly laughing.  Special in that he is nearly impossible to stay mad at for more than 10 seconds.  When I scold
    him for even the most minor thing, or for something more serious... he will do something charming to change my heart in an
    instant, whether that is mimicking my anger or getting nose-to-nose with me, smiling and saying “I’m sorry Daddy… do you forgive
    me?  I forgive you!”  Noah rarely interacts with the neighborhood kids, preferring instead to consume time with his books and
    computer.  

    When we adopted Nicholas, he was a feisty, 2 year old battling for position among many other children of all ages at the ‘baby
    house’ in Kazakhstan.  His personality had already started to emerge and I don’t think we were prepared well for that.  It honestly
    shocked me at how much Lisa and I had to adjust our approach to parenting Nicholas.  It took us so much longer to bond with this
    precocious little boy than it did to Noah.  During our weeks with him in Kazakhstan, and even for a while when we returned home
    with him I wondered “had we made a mistake?”  And that my friends, was very disconcerting to me.  I know now that we had not.  
    We learned quickly however, how very special indeed Nicholas is in his own ways.  Nicholas is 11 going on 18.  He has excellent
    artistic abilities, and is extremely outgoing towards everyone, and loves all animals.  Nicholas lives to play with his friends.  He is a
    perfectionist, and craves our attention.  I know that Nicholas understands Noah’s special needs, and somehow correlates that to
    our greater patience with Noah.  But I realize too that it must eat at him to feel he is at times treated less than fair.

    For emphasis, I have purposely played up my successes as a good father, and countered with a focus on my failures to be the
    father I desire to be.

    The undeniable truth is this: In similar, yet oftentimes different ways, I am very proud of both of my boys.  I love them very much,
    and do not have any inhibitions about telling them or showing them.  I desire nothing but the best for them.  There is no doubt in
    my mind that God intended these two beautiful boys to be our sons, and Lisa and I their parents.  I wish for them to become
    independent, loving, compassionate, and Godly men.

    So what would make me a better father?  What would make you better fathers?  Why is it that at times we feel we are horrendous
    father figures, most often good fathers, and every once in awhile a great fathers?  Why is it I feel I am a better father to Noah than I
    am to Nicholas?  How can I be the father God desires me to be?

    So I ask you my brothers, whom I love and respect so much to help me define in God’s teachings, what it means to be a good
    father.  You may not be a father, and that is fine.  God says that all scripture is “God breathed” and is useful for teaching.

    Open Discussion about the definition of what a Father is:  (PowerPoint):   What is a Father?



    Questions for Group Discussion:
  • What is the one thing you learned from your father, that you would like to pass along to your own children?  (Could be a
    saying, a life event, the way he lived his life, or anything that stands out to you).

  • What advice would you give other fathers seeking to raise Godly children?

  • What do you feel your children desire from you as their father that perhaps you are not fulfilling?

  • What can we as Men -- as brothers in Christ -- do to help one another be good fathers to our children?

    In closing, I am not a great father!  I am not a bad father!  I am just a father… trying to learn in the ways of our Father in Heaven, to
    become a better father in His way.

    I hope this discussion has been one tenth as helpful to you as it was for me as I put it together to share with you.